Oh, but the facts are the facts. I’ll never be out of anyone’s league. I’ll never be the girl anyone tells their friends about. I’ll always be there to help. There to cheer them on as well as I can, but always just on the sidelines. Never picked. Always needed. Never wanted.
I’d been too busy to notice, but this week another leaf fell. I know, I know. It’s fall. But it hit me on the side of my neck, just like before, as I was busily going about my day. This time, my thought was how silly I was to ever think that leaves mean anything. Yet there it was. I kept it, just like the others. Maybe it’s ok to be silly sometimes.
Sometimes I walk alone and wonder about things. I think of the people who bring out the best in me, or who have the potential to do so. But then I realize I’m just lonely, and probably being very selfish. So alone I will be.
June 1, 2011
It’s a weird sensation: a cold feeling somewhere between my chest and my stomach. But it’s not a bad feeling. I think it might be called hope, but I don’t know. I don’t see you, I can’t hold you, I don’t know your name. Not yet. But I feel you here. Is it the same for you?